Ok im back.. its been a lil while since I wrote on this thing, not because I havn’t had anything to put down, but because I havn’t really been able to sit and focus one consistent thought and write about it. But in the past month or so, I have experienced things that have changed my life and it couldn’t have been better if I had written it myself.
Most of you know I went to Korea and stayed there for a lil while, lovin it to death, but people there were askin me if I wanted to stay there longer. After serious contemplation I declined, mainly for two reasons which I might get into later...naaahh probably not. Anyway, the thought of me being gone from everybody I know and love crossed my mind. I talked to two people who I consider dear friends and they told me that it would really bother them, and I still dont understand why, but I appreciate their feelings towards me. When I was in school, I took a personality test and the results came back that I am a person who makes decisions internally and rarely considers others opinions. Naturally if u kno me, i had to say, THATS CIRCUMSTANTIAL because everything is. But when I was out there, I really came close to making a decision for my life without thinking twice about anybody else. I guess that train of thought comes from my belief that my decisions dont have an effect on anyone else’s life. I mean, i try to be a good friend; great friend to all of my disciples..lol...but to me if i was gone, I think that people would go about their lives without a second thought of me, which is probably the way I would want them to be. Ok maybe not...but I refuse to believe that I have made THAT much of an impact in my friend’s lives. Like I said, I know they love me and all and I do appreciate the sentiment but I dont think that if i were to up and disappear for like a couple of years people would really be missing me.
I kno i go out and drink, laugh, talk S@#!, and occasionally crack a joke or two with people but my thinking is, they would have the same exact time if i werent there. It wouldn’t change where they go, it wouldnt change what they did, it wouldn’t even change the topic of discussions. Hence the reason why I dont understand why the two people I talked to would be soo upset about me leaving/dissappearing. I look at the past year, I completely cut out my social life because I had a goal to finish school in a year. At first people we callin me tryin to get me to come out and do things, but after a while my phone stopped ringing, my messages on myspace dwindled down to 0..lol...and all that. People were still havin fun, they were still goin out drinkin, partying and all that even though I wasn’t present.
Now, with all that in mind and view on people, i began thinkin ok maybe its the fact that I wont be soo easily accessible. Like when i was detached from reality this past year, people knew they could always get in touch with me, but if i were to leave, like to another country then there would be someting there that would make it more difficult to access me. So, if thats the case, that is some selfish bullshit; but like i said...i appreciate the love.
I mean when I make decisions, like to travel the world or to get a job in another state, I do that based on MY need. Lookin at life through my eyes, I see a person who can do anything in the world. So why not do it. Everything I have ever said that I was going to do, was done. So from my perspective why not do it. I make moves with no hesitation and without any second thoughts. That is what allows me to attack everything with the energy I have, 100% nothing holding me back. And when u do things 100% you cant loose, there is no wrong move. Hell if it doesnt work, its back to the drawing board, but this time with more knowledge. When i was in high school, I remember one of my coaches tellin me....”If you have any regrets...that means you havnt lived your life the way u wanted to.” That kind of stuff sticks with me, well it stuck...lol...but that is how I feel now. I mean I have the ability and the means to do things I never would have dreamed when I was a kid. So why not, I never would have thought about going to Micronesia....hell I didn’t even know that was an actual country...I thought it was some stuff that Ben Stiller made up in one of his movies. But now, hell im on my way there.
I told my pops, when he was talkin me out of gettin a motorcycle, man I have only heard of one person in the history of the world, to die and come back. I’M NOT THAT MAN, so when its time for me to go, i dont want be laying and thinking...dam i wish i had done this or wish I had done that. I always envisioned refelcting on the marvels and wonders of this life. Because when you are done...its a wrap...there’s no next season....no next game....no next week....just DONE. But I made my decision to come back and re-up so i can be out again, I mean it is nice to be loved and it is wonderful for people to want me around. But dam...I refuse that anybody’s world would stop spinning if i were not around....and if the day comes when none of you get to see me again...just remember I can still be here if people dont let their memories fade away. Its like when some people say life is short...I heard somewhere...its not if you measurea life by what we do and fun we have...and IM HAVIN FUN....
