Feelings Never really Mattered Anyway.......right??

Ok I have been thinking lately, how am I able to do a lot of the things that I do. I mean I work daily, havn't had a day off in since new years, or at least it seems that way. I went to school for like 6 hours a day after working 6 hours and still managed to eat, sleep and take a relaxed attitude to work with me. I'm saying no stress at all, I have fun with my students and still manage to take my other boyz to workout on sundays. I was sitting back, sunday afternoon, eating grilled salmon (OFF THE HOOK might I add) thinking... How do I do it. Then it came to me, like a cold breeze on a hot day...dam I disregard my feelings. I started looking back to when I was younger... The first thing that comes to mind was when my brother used to beat the hell out of me in basketball when I was like 5. He was 8, and we used to play to 100 by 1's. I was remembering the years he would be torching me....like 85 to 12 and I would quit (yea he beat up on me like that till i was like 13 or 14). I'd be so pissed, I would just have to get away from everything. I could remember the days when I just wanted to walk away and never touch a basketball again, but something in me (I have no idea where it came from) wouldn't allow that to happen. I mean he killed me in every fashion of the word for well over 6 years and I kept coming back. I was thinking, dam I remember that feeling of never touching a basketball again, but after about 30 minutes or so, that feeling got put on the back burner and I was right back out there getting scorched on the court again.
I guess that feeling didnt matter to me, because I knew that I could beat him or he would get tired of beating on me and quit himself. Either way, he knew that I was going to find a way to win. I mean, he wasn't just a normal kid playing basketball, he was one of the best in the city at age 13... I always knew that if i could stay within like 50 points of him, I could give anybody else in the city a dam good game. This brings me to the issue that started me on this path to the blog. I saw the bigger picture, from the days of me feeling like never playing basketball again, there was a bigger picture and my feelings at the moment were bullshit. In order to be the best you have to beat the best, challenge the best all day everyday until you beat the best. Now that drive to be the best, we'll save that for another blog, but having the ability to say, "My feelings now mean nothing, because there is something bigger and these feelings are trying to stop me from getting there." Man thats pretty deep. I was thinking that at age 5...
Then i started thinking about other times when I told myself that my feelings were bullshit. All the days when I would work out to get better at basketball. I can remember running bleachers at UCLA for hours, feeling like I couldn't lift my legs or breathe or even see. But I still told myself...those are just bullshit feelings, throw 'em out theres a bigger picture. I can remember shooting jumpshots by the thousand, so much that my shoulders would burn and my thighs wouldn't allow me to get off the floor, but those feelings were bullshit. Because when i got on the court I knew I could go harder and further than anybody out there. I can remember staying up all night to type a paper and making sure that everything was perfect, while my friends were telling me, lets go out and have some fun. I wanted to go but, my feelings were bullshit.
I can remember tellin my parents that I wasn't going to walk at my graduation because it means nothing to me. My view is...I'm supposed to graduate, what idiot goes to school everyday, does the school work and doesn't graduate. I dont need people to tell me HEY GOOD JOB DEL, YOU DID AN EXCELLENT JOB...F that..lol...so when I told my Dad that, he said,"Dam, but what about your cousins, your mom, grandmother, aunts, hell the kids you teach. Dont you think it would matter to them?" And that never crossed my mind. I was thinking, like I said earlier, hell its supposed to be done, what idiot can't. Yet millions of people havn't and millions of people won't. Now comes the big picture, Its inspiring to see someone who is tangible to you do something that millions of people havn't done. So when looking at the situation from that perspective, my feelings are bullshit because there is a bigger picture that I am facing. My actions on a day like that can start the ball rolling on another person's life, completely unintended and unknown to me, and all I have to do is walk across a stage and give a fake smile. Dam, after that I came to an understanding, I guess you can say I matured. My immediate feelings are bullshit; some people say that I don't express my feelings openly, and thats the reason. Because they are minuscule to the situation at hand and they are immediately dismissed. Dam the big picture, I guess they were right and I took it to heart when they said...."If you want something in life, its not gonna happen without a little sacrifice." And I CHOSE to sacrifice my feelings...but they never really mattered anyway.....right??